So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
