I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
