what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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