tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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