The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
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He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
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I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
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