There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Randomize
