My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
