she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
