I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
