I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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