thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Randomize
