A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
