hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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