Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
