wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
