The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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