I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
