god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
we should paint friendship bongs
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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