answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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