Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
