I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
