Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
