a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
