about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
