I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
