i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
