got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
