Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
