Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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