I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
