I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
