Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
