No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
