I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
