rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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