I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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