ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
the condom got lost in my hair
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
