Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Randomize
