Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
