i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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