No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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