I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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