you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
