I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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