PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
