today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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