Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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