just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
