I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
