I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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