I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
