That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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