On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
