Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
