Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
