I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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