just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
