oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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