I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
